Title: The Importance of Relevance and Depth in Personal Transformation
One of my personal goals in
leadership is to help men avoid and/or remove regret. Life is short. Our lives,
up to this point, consists of the cumulative value of all our decisions. The
unending choices and agreements are collectively creating who we are.
Opportunities embraced and those lost have sporadically dotted our life like
push pins on a global map. Make no mistake; our lives will leave an indelible
imprint on our families, friends, and community. What legacy will we leave? The
seven standards of reasoning: clearness, accuracy, relevance, sufficiency,
depth, breadth, and precision, are actually characteristics of our personhood. They
define how we move in-and-out of people’s lives. They are much more than
reasoning tools. While all seven are critical to my life, there are two that
that are set apart: relevance and depth.
Twelve years ago I
experienced one of those “life-changing moments” that caused me to look hard at
myself in the mirror. In that moment, it
felt as if I were looking at a twin brother, someone hell-bent on destroying
me. If that were the case, if it really was a twin, change would be easy. I
could simply distance myself from him. Unfortunately, the reflection wasn’t
going anywhere and I couldn’t run from him. Trust me, I tried that approach for
three decades—it wasn’t working. In that moment, looking at the reflection, I
couldn’t find integrity, character, fidelity, or purpose in the image looking
back at me. Walking away from the mirror in the fall of 2000, I was destined to
find every one of those qualities and more. The battle had begun.
George MacDonald (2011), in
his book, Building Below the Waterline
tells of David McCullough’s book The
Great Bridge in which there is a fascinating story about the building of
the Brooklyn Bridge. He writes, “In June 1872, the chief engineer of the
project wrote: ‘To such of the general public as might imagine that no work had
been done on the New York tower, because they see no evidence of it above the
water, I should simply remark that the amount of the masonry and concrete laid
on that foundation during the past winter, under
water, is equal in quantity to the entire masonry of the Brooklyn tower
visible today above the waterline’” (MacDonald, p. 1). MacDonald draws a perfect picture of my life
when he says, “The work done below the waterline (in a leader’s soul) is what
determines whether he or she will stand the test of time and challenge” (p. 1).
Relevance and depth are as
important to my life as concrete and steel were to building the Brooklyn
Bridge. As a man of great Christian faith, I recognize that I can only change
myself to a degree. I can make right decisions, avoid self-destructive
behavior, and focus on helping other people more than meeting my own desires.
However, at the end of the day, I hold onto the truth that it is God, by the
power of his sovereignty, through grace and mercy that directs me and ultimately,
changes me. Submitting my life to pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ has
empowered me to understand a purpose greater than simply professional success
or selfish achievement. My purpose has taken shape. My motivations are genuine
and my legacy has changed. Transformation has
occurred and continues to occur.
One of the pillars supporting
my life is the standard of relevance and importance. In short, am I engaged in
the lives of my family and friends? Do I operate with an awareness of the
social issues affecting our society? Do I know what issues are currently
weighing on my wife? Am I cognizant of the challenges facing my
nineteen-year-old son? Can I assuage my daughter’s deepest fear? What steps can
I take to aid my son-in-law toward achieving his goals? What am I doing about
ensuring a better future for my 19-month old grandson? What am I doing to help
men, marriages, and the mass of people hopelessly meandering through life?
Prior to the year 2000, being
relevant meant having the newest CD, going to see the latest movie, staying
current on the popular fashion, and being well versed on cars and sports. Being
able to breakdown the statistics of my favorite sport’s athlete and add some
insight to possible technological changes made me feel important. Today, those
topics carry no weight in my life. Sure, they may come up in conversation but I
no longer feel irrelevant if I do not know who sold the most songs in 2012 or
from what college an NFL quarterback graduated. Rather, because I live my life
through the lens of Scripture, my conversations are centered on growing my
faith, leading my family, and helping people in need.
Nosich (2012) said in the
section How to Focus on What Is Most
Important, “Practice picking out what is essential to the other person” (p.
143). No longer do I place my comfort, wants and desires ahead of those I’m
called to love and serve. Oddly enough, as I have focused on others, I’ve
achieved greater goals than I have ever dreamed possible. In his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership,
John Maxwell (2007) said, “When you add value to people, you lift them up, help
them advance, make them a part of something bigger than themselves, and assist
them in becoming who they were made to be” (p. 53). I measure my success as a husband, father, and
friend by the accomplishments of those I am called to serve.
In addition to relevance,
importance, and living with an awareness of life is the impact of depth. As
George MacDonald so eloquently highlighted earlier, depth in my life consists
of the roots on which integrity is found. It is nourished through the consistent
and selfless decisions made every day. Decisions that honor my wife, choices
that demonstrate my children are a priority, fidelity to my employer, and offering
respect to everyone I meet converge to strengthen the core of who I am. Nosich said
depth is taking account of the complexities that underlie an issue (p. 147). By
practicing the standard of depth, by spending quiet time alone and seeking to
understand my thought processes, I solidify the foundation from which I
operate. Where once I was superficial and selfish, my transformation over the
past twelve years has changed me to be insightful and authentic.
Finally, if I can, I’d like
to quote Mr. MacDonald one last time. He said, “If we don’t know ourselves and
what shaped us, what neutralizes us, and what our limits are, we invite
disaster. Many men and women in leadership positions are insecure. Some
struggle with large unresolved areas from the past. Unless the past can be
resolved, it often becomes an Achilles’ heel in leadership” (p. 7). If someone
told me where I would be today when I walked away from the mirror twelve years
ago, I would not believe it. It hasn’t been easy. The battle still rages.
However, today, there is only a faint remnant of the old man in the mirror. Now
the reflection in the mirror has purpose, experiences fulfillment, lives with
integrity and character, and serves those he loves. Nosich’s standards, when
applied to everyday life, will ensure the stories of life will remain long
after we’re gone. Stay relevant and go deep. Keep changing.
No regrets.
Steve
References:
MacDonald, G. (2011). Building Below the
Waterline. Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers Marketing.
Maxwell, J. (2007). The 21 Irrefutable
Laws of Leadership. Nashville, TN. Thomas Nelson.
Nosich, G. (2012).
Learning to Think Things Through (4nd ed.). Boston, MA: Pearson Education, Inc.
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