Ministry Collaboration: A Divine Exercise
Leading a men’s
ministry designed to challenge and encourage men in their spiritual life can be
an exercise in patience and perseverance.
Unlike women, men are not prone to seek-out relationships where openness
and vulnerability is the norm. In fact,
just the opposite is true. Men have a
tendency to hide behind an image projected and protected. However, underneath the thin veneer, behind
the curtain, lies a plethora of problems, issues, insecurities, and fears that
influences every decision made. The purpose
of each man is buried deep within and often hidden behind a camouflaged
masculinity. My goal is to facilitate
the freedom of their true selves; to open the door of purpose and creativity.
As co-leader of a
large men’s ministry, my colleague and I sought to create an atmosphere where
men can authentically connect with other men and hear true stories surrounding common, real
life challenges. We
selected a group of ten trusted men and asked them to act as a leadership team
to serve the needs of over 1,300 men at our church. We asked each individual what helped him grow
relationally, emotionally, and spiritually? We titled our ministry R.E.A.L. Men. The acronym Relevant, Eternity-minded,
Accountable, and Loyal provided a starting point and mantra that we would carry
throughout our relationship.
Rather than two
men initiating a large ministry division designed to serve the needs of such a
large number of men, we solicited input from these men by creating a diverse leadership
team. Each man had a distinctive church
experience. They were from diverse
ethnic backgrounds, different age groups, and various economic means. We selected married, engaged, and single men. By seeking the collective experience of these
men, we believed the congregational needs could be identified and subsequently
satisfied.
Stewart Levine (2009)
in his book, Getting to Resolution said,
“Tight collaboration and a shared vision allow the miracles of teamwork and
collaboration to occur. Clear agreements
with others build teams that can experience an exponential expansion of power”
(p. 188). These ten men helped my
co-leader and I make critical decisions about the future of the ministry and
the mission of our church in five crucial ways:
1.
Deepened our understanding
2.
Widened our perspective
3.
Clarified our commitment
4.
Strengthened our resolve
5.
Synergized our mission
Understanding your
client and customer needs is critical to an organization’s success; in our
case, we knew understanding what men wanted from church would be the starting
point for all ministry initiatives. As
we questioned each of our leaders, we “heard and learned” new temptations and
trials men faced. We found respect,
confidentiality, encouragement, and authenticity to be key desires in their
lives. The more questions we asked and the
more we listened, our understanding of the spiritual goals of men became
clear. We began to understand the depth
of their desires.
Along the same
lines, we became aware of the differences and expectations that exist across
cultures. African-American, Caucasian,
Hispanic, Native-American, and other nationalities widened our perspective of
men’s experiences in a church setting. These
discussions introduced us to new styles of worship, teaching, and relational
expectations. We began to understand the
challenges men face growing up in poverty versus affluence. By listening to every man in the room, we were
exposed to new and exciting possibilities.
As the men shared,
our commitment became clear. In step two
of Levine’s cycle of resolution, he talks about sharing stories. He states, “Getting everyone’s story out on
the table defines the problem space, validates everyone’s position, and reveals
everyone’s interest” (p. 122). Hearing
the heart of each man reminded us why we started the endeavor in the first
place. Connecting men to each other for
spiritual growth solidified our commitment and removed ambiguity. As our
commitment became clear our resolve strengthened.
Leading men’s
ministry can be discouraging. Oftentimes
men commit to lead church initiatives, community outreaches, and participate in
small group fellowship events. However,
emotions wane and life gets busy. As men
prioritize their responsibilities, the spiritual component of life is often relegated
to leftovers. This common occurrence can
cause leaders to give up or pursue an easier ministry function. Why pursue the elusive hearts of men when there
are other areas less challenging and frustrating? As the men spoke of their dreams and desires,
we were empowered to persevere regardless of the difficulties faced along the
way.
There is great
power in joining your vision with others.
The synergy of teamwork is extraordinary. Levine provides an example
using Clydesdale horses. He said, “One
Clydesdale can pull 7,000 pounds; two can pull between 18,000 and 25,000
pounds” (p. 187). Yoking our hearts with
other men from different backgrounds created a leadership core capable of
reaching men not only in our circles and our church but also in our community,
and eventually our country. We realized
the twelve of us; my co-leader and I with the ten other men could achieve
significantly greater ministry feats than any of us could ever do alone. Collaboration was the key to our ministry
success.
By instituting R.E.A.L.
Men ministries, our leadership team achieved its initial objective of reaching
and connecting men in the church and local community. We were able to combine resources with other
men’s ministries in other churches by sharing lessons learned and individual
testimonies. In retrospect, I realize
there is another well of information available on the struggles of men:
Women. The ones who live day-in and
day-out with men have a front row seat to the desires and disappointments of
the men in the church. By asking
questions and valuing their input, we could have encouraged the mothers, wives,
sisters, and daughters to positively influence the men as they connected in our
ministry.
Finally, because
of the success of R.E.A.L. Men, I’ve instituted these collaborative principles
in other areas as well. At work, when
decisions affect coworkers and customers, I consolidate with an integrated
process team. Collecting insights,
asking questions, and facilitating discussions have enabled me to make wiser
decisions with more information. At
home, I’ve encouraged more open dialogue with everyone in the family about
present and future decisions that will affect them directly. Times have changed and Father Knows Best has been replaced by Father Facilitates Best by seeking input from everyone involved. Lastly,
I’ve used the collaborative concepts learned from the R.E.A.L. Men scenario in
how I make personal decisions. We all
have blind spots in our lives. By
seeking advice and guidance from others, I believe I’ll avoid making
regrettable decisions and can build upon the knowledge and experience of
others.
In his book Start With Why, Simon Sinek said, “Our
need to belong is not rational, but it is a constant that exists across all
people in all cultures. It is a feeling we get when those around us share our values
and beliefs. When we feel like we belong we feel connected and we feel safe. As
humans we crave the feeling and we seek it out” (p. 53). Our men’s ministry created an environment for
men to connect and to belong. As a
result, men have rediscovered their passion and their purpose.
Legacy is bigger than one.
Steve
Reference
Levine,
S. (2009). Getting to Resolution. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler
Publishers, Inc.
Sinek,
S. (2009). Start With Why. New York, NY: Penguin Group.
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