Looking Back to Look Forward
Growing up in a
home as the youngest of three boys left little margin for error. With my brothers, it was best to be “not
seen” and “not heard.” For when you were
seen, if it didn’t measure up, you were quickly ridiculed as weak and incapable. Moreover, if
you were seen and they were drinking, things got much worse. As a result, I decided to hide. At home, invisible was safe. One of the ways I hid was by staying away. The majority of my time was spent outside the
home with a group of friends. In those relationships
I found acceptance; and, ironically, leadership. I became the one who made the plans, set the
agenda, and gave advice.
As a sixteen-year
old boy in a western Pennsylvania steel town, you needed to know how to defend
yourself. Unfortunately, I was
skinny. My brothers seemed to mature much
quicker than I and though only a few years separated us, it felt like decades. Their influence on my life is far greater
than the scope of this blog but for brevity’s sake, they mastered the art of
manipulation and intimidation. My oldest
brother was as smooth as silk.
Silver-tongued and smart, he could work his way in and out of any
situation. Regardless of the trouble
that surrounded him, he always seemed to escape unscathed. My other brother, while intelligent, was all
force. He carried an air of
intimidation. If one brother couldn’t
talk me into doing what he wanted, the other would threaten me to do it. As a result of a divorce, my oldest brother
lived in New York while we moved to Pennsylvania. My other brother lived with me and had much greater
influence.
In the fall of
1982, my brother came home from Marine boot camp. One night, he drove my girlfriend, another
friend, too much whiskey, and me to a back road in the middle of the night. Standing on a dark, deserted road, he offered
me a deal. With a handful of money and a
blood-alcohol level off the charts, he offered me $100 to run and hide in the
woods. If he couldn’t find me within an
hour, the cash would be mine. But if he
found me…well, who knows. I turned down
the offer. When he made the same offer
to my girlfriend, I stepped in and tried to end the game. In an instant, I found myself lying on my
back unaware of what had happened.
Apparently, he disliked my suggestion and leveled me on a dark road in
the middle of nowhere. I’m not sure he
even remembers the incident while I’ve never forgotten it. Neither has my girlfriend now aka my wife.
Later that night,
unbeknown to everyone there, I made an internal agreement. I promised myself that I would never be
humiliated and knocked down again. After
years of intimidation, I had had enough.
As a result, I significantly increased my weightlifting. I needed to gain size and muscle. Fast. Paradoxically,
as I worked out and began to grow, I continued to see myself as skinny. Within two years I had gained nearly twenty
pounds. It wasn’t enough. No matter how much my strength improved and
my weight increased, I was never big enough.
Consequently, I began taking steroids.
I had read of the side effects and knew the dangers. Neither could sway my decision. I was never going to be pushed around again.
After years of
lifting weights and abusing steroids, I was looking for an opportunity to
demonstrate my increased strength on my brothers. Short of a few cross words, it never came; and, I
thank God for that. I’m very
disappointed in the decisions I made as a young man. Rather than take a higher road of forgiveness
and understanding, I allowed revenge and regret to dominate my thoughts. Struggling with an identity and masking
unprecedented insecurity, I made years of poor decisions in a shallow attempt
to rediscover a lost masculinity.
Today, things are
much different. The years have brought
healing and maturation. On this side of
forgiveness, I recognize the influence bullying has on people’s security,
identity, and peace of mind. As a team
member and an employee, I help promote a zero-tolerance policy toward bullying
in the workplace. Too often, society
relegates bullying to middle school and high school playgrounds. Unfortunately, it takes place in professional
workplaces as well. Today, I am the
first to step-in and stand-up for someone being intimidated. I have learned to gently address someone who is
using a loud voice, an extra hard handshake, or other intimidating behaviors to
achieve their goals. In short, because
of what I’ve learned, I help to ensure a certain organizational justice exists within the workforce.
On a lighter note
of influence, in 1992 my family and I received military orders to Germany. My supervisor was a Master Sergeant who had
been in Germany for nearly three years and was an “old hand” at living and
working overseas. On my first day, I was
excited about getting to work, meeting new people, and integrating into my new
assignment. At a little after 8:00 am my
supervisor arrived to pick me up for work.
The first thing I noticed when I walked outside was his uniform. It was a wrinkled, sloppy mess. Being a senior non-commissioned officer
working in a foreign country, I expected much more. Climbing into his car, things got much worse. The ashtray was overflowing with half-smoked
cigarettes and ashes. Old, empty
Styrofoam cups that once held black coffee were strewn throughout his car. Just when I didn’t think things could get
worse, we arrived to his office.
Folders, lunch
bags, stacks of papers, and unmarked cardboard boxes littered his office. As he relocated stacks of debris from one of
the chairs, I found a seat and he began briefing me on my responsibilities and
expectations. “Expectations!” I thought, “Are you serious!” He and I worked together for less than three
months as his tour of duty had ended and he headed back to the states to finish
his career. The initial meeting with my
supervisor locked an important element of professionalism deep in my mind: The power of a first impression.
The United States
military has an unequaled history of courage and honor. Present day active-duty men and women are
expected to embrace the tradition and carry on the respect and professionalism
of those before them. In the Air Force,
as in the other branches of service, the senior non-commissioned officer is a
vital link in the success and leadership of its people. Proper wear and representation of the uniform
is paramount to respecting the core values of the Air Force. While I accepted that fact when it was told
to me as a young airman, it became a deep part of my character immediately upon
meeting my supervisor in Germany.
Today, ensuring a
proper and professional first impression is a key characteristic of my
behavior. As a liaison representing
Lockheed Martin to the Air Force, it is my responsibility to display
confidence, preparation, organization, and orderliness. I meet a number of new people each week. By offering respect, showing competence, and
being organized they leave our meeting confident of my abilities to follow
through on their concerns. Everyone
knows “you get one chance to make a first impression.” Because of the unkempt appearance and
disorganized presentation of my supervisor, I have learned to look through the
eyes of those meeting me and ask, “What is the first thing that comes to mind
when they meet me?” It helps me ensure I
am representing the company with the highest standard and taking pride in my
own professionalism.
Legacy leaves an impression.
Steve
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