Trust is Power
If you can inspire 30 men to
get up at 8:00 am on a Saturday to sit in a circle and share their dreams,
fears, and struggles, you must be doing something right. Every second and fourth Saturday, I lead a
Christian men’s group that focuses on developing integrity and character with
the purpose of creating better husbands, fathers, employers, employees, sons,
brothers, and friends. The group consists
of a NASA engineer, a handful of Air Force officers, and members of the U.S.
Navy; there are teachers, students, program managers, and the unemployed. The ages range from 21 to 61 and encompass
married, single, divorced, and engaged.
To be sure, if one ever hopes to make a difference in the lives of such
an eclectic group of men, one better understand the power of influence, the influence of power, and the
importance of trust.
Mary Kay Whitaker, (2008) in
her book It All Starts With You said,
“To build a foundation of trust, managers must match their actions to their
words” (p. 8). In a world of camouflage
and power struggles, men want authenticity.
When it comes to personal growth, real-life issues at home, the
vulnerable landscape of their marriage, and the treacherous terrain of
parenting, men can sense fake, manipulative, and selfish motives. The old adage, “People don’t care how much
you know until they know how much you care” is never more true than dealing
with men. Hidden behind rough exteriors
and buried beneath years of machismo are men looking to find a meaning for their
life. Something deeper than an office
cubicle. Something richer than a roommate
with a wedding ring. They want their
life to count. My calling and purpose is
to help them find it by clearing away the debris of bad decisions and incorrect
assumptions. The avenue I use to do this
is trust.
Are you
comfortable developing sources of personal influence to gain power?
Whetten & Cameron (2011) take a detour from the traditional
view of power. Mostly perceived as
controlling and manipulative, they shift the definition from “having authority
over others to being able to get things done” (p. 286). One of my favorite gifts working with men are
the emails I receive from wives and children.
Leading a men’s ministry takes great sacrifice, perseverance, time, and
hope. Lots and lots of hope. There have been more than a few times that I’ve
thought of “throwing in the towel” and moving on to easier pastures. But, without fail, I’ll receive a new (or remember
an old) email from a wife thanking me for investing in her husband. Hearing her say, “I don’t know what you’re
doing on Saturday or what you tell him when you have coffee with him but he is
changing. He spends more time with us,
takes our children out more, has become more romantic, and is responding in a
kind and gentle way.” Those comments
confirm Whetten & Cameron’s power definition of “getting it done.” Stephen
M.R. Covey (2006) said, “People trust people who make things happen” (p.
30).
Whetten & Cameron identified the sources of personal influence
as expertise, personal attraction, effort, and legitimacy. Each is a critical component of leading and challenging
followers. Leaders should seek these
qualities regardless of their current position or leadership role. In his book The Speed of Trust, Covey (2006) said, “Trust is a function of two
things: character and competence” (p. 30).
These four sources of personal power are elements of both character and
competence. Developing them is the key
to leadership and success. At the end of
the day it comes down to motive.
Consistent and life-changing power and influence is bestowed rather than
demanded.
Do you embody
the characteristics of likeable people depicted in Table 5.4 (p. 290)?
Whetten &
Cameron (2011) identified six characteristics of likeable people. I am often referred to as having charisma and
strong social abilities. In the process
of fine tuning them and learning about the dynamics of social exchanges, I
often hear, “one can’t fake charisma and force themselves to be socially
successful.” While charisma is an
embedded element of one’s personality; likeability is not. If you want to influence: be nice! Likeability can be learned. Everyone can increase their influence by
practicing these six skills:
- Support and open, honest, and loyal relationship
- Foster intimacy by being emotionally accessible
- Provide unconditional, positive regard and acceptance
- Endure some sacrifices if the relationship should demand them
- Provide social reinforcement in the form of sympathy and empathy
- Engage in the social exchanges necessary to sustain a relationship
After reading these
characteristics, I sent the list to my core men’s group leaders. I concluded the email by saying, “We can only
take men as far as we’ve gone. Go further.”
If bosses and leaders ever hope to succeed, they must practice the six
behaviors of likeable people. I
understand anything can be taken to an extreme.
This is not meant for supervisors or CEOs to be “best-friends” with
their employees but in the same vein, the traditional, hard-driving autocratic
and impersonal boss is counterproductive as well.
Fortunately for me (and those
I come in contact with), I have incorporated the six characteristics into my
relational repertoire. However, they are
not used as tools to influence and manipulate as much as they are integral
elements of who I am. By regularly
practicing these behaviors and having a strong sense of my own identity, I can
be open, honest, and empathic without feeling threatened.
Are you able to
use influence both up and down your organization considering the information in
Table 5.5 (p. 293)
Trust
and respect is a two-way street.
Credibility crashes when leaders demand follower’s respect and adherence
without offering it to their leaders.
Everyone works for someone. CEOs
are accountable to shareholders and shareholders are accountable to
society. In the military, authority and
respect still operate under a strong hierarchy.
Regardless of rank, respect, trust, and followership are ubiquitous
traits that make for effective organizations.
One of the ways I protect my integrity and credibility is by “practicing
what I preach.” In other words, am I
offering the same investment and respect to my boss that I am expecting from my
followers?
Whetten
& Cameron (2011) highlighted ways to manage and nurture one’s relationship
with their boss. They stated,
“Understand your boss’s goals; the pressure they are under; and their blind
spots.” Moreover, “assess your own strengths and weaknesses; your perception of
authority; and always, always, keep your boss informed” (p. 291). While I have a great amount of autonomy in my
current position with Lockheed Martin, I make it a regular practice to keep my
boss up-to-date either through emails or daily phone calls. Another way to strengthen our relationship is
through regular conversations about work processes and also personal
challenges. Through honest and open
discussions, my boss and I have developed a strong relationship. One of the most important principles of my
leadership is “in order to be a good leader, you must first be a good follower.”
Steve
References:
Covey, S.M. (2006). The speed of
trust. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Whetten, D.A., & Cameron, K.S.
(2011). Developing management skills. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson.
Whitaker, M.K., & Whitaker, R.
(2008). It all starts with you. Kansas City, MO: Xcelogic, Inc.
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