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                                      Drugs: Count the Career Costs

In The Story Factor, Annette Simmons (2001) said, “Without a story, facts don’t mean anything” (p. 79). “Story,” Simmons says, “is a form of mental imprint” (p. 29).  Our culture is heavily influenced by past stories and future possibilities.  Fluid and evolving, society’s standards are steadily dissected to ensure equal benefits and to promote our democratic system.  As a result, actions acceptable twenty-years ago are frowned upon today.  Conversely, what was appalling two decades ago is widely accepted today.  Nowhere is this truer than in the U.S. military; especially in the area of drug use.  If you had visited a typical military unit in 1983, about one in four service members would have used illegal drugs.  If you had visited the same unit in 1998, about three out of 100 service members admitted to using drugs (Rhem, n.d.).  Coupled with regulations and education in the fight against drugs, military leaders are also using stories to drive their point home.

Air Force (AF) Instruction 44-121, the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Prevention and Treatment (ADAPT) Program provides guidance to AF leaders for the identification, treatment, and management of personnel with substance abuse problems and describes AF policy regarding alcohol and drug abuse (AFMOA/SGHW).  The Department of Defense (DOD) labs test 60,000 urine samples each month and all active duty members must undergo a urinalysis at least once per year.  Every urine sample is tested for marijuana, cocaine, and amphetamines.  The Air Force is very serious about its stance on drug use.

According to AFPAM 36-2241, “Illegal or improper use of drugs by an Air Force member is a serious breach of discipline, is incompatible with service in the Air Force, and automatically places the member’s continued service in jeopardy.  The Air Force does not tolerate such conduct; therefore, drug abuse can lead to criminal prosecution resulting in punitive discharge or administrative actions, including, separation or discharge under other than honorable conditions” (p. 238).

In January 1997, the Air Force published a set of core values.  The following values exist for all members of the Air Force.  They are Integrity First, Service before self, and Excellence in all we do.  In more detail, integrity is the willingness to do what is right even when no one is looking.  It is the moral compass—the inner voice; the voice of self-control; the basis for the trust imperative in today’s military.  Service before self tells us that professional duties take precedence over personal desires.  And lastly, excellence in all we do directs us to develop a sustained passion for the continuous improvement and innovation that will propel the Air Force into a long-term, upward spiral of accomplishment and performance (DAF, 1997).

Studying the AF core values, reading the regulations against drug use, and acknowledging that others depend on your actions should engender every military member to make right decisions.  Using drugs within your first year on military active duty is careless, destructive, and immature.  Using drugs as a senior non-commissioned officer with six months left to retire is categorically one of the dumbest decisions a person can make.  

At nineteen years of service, I had a front row seat as my coworker “popped a positive” on a random urinalysis.  At 41-years old, he had submitted his retirement paperwork.  Completing nineteen years and six months in the Air Force, he was ready to settle down with his family in the local area.  Within 30 days of a producing a positive urinalysis, his retirement was denied, he faced a court-martial, and was demoted from an E7, Master Sergeant to an E4, Senior Airmen.  He was also ordered to spend three month at the Naval BRIG in Norfolk, Virginia.  When all was said and done, he was discharged from the Air Force under other-than-honorable-conditions.  The result:  No retirement ceremony.  No pension.  No benefits.  My coworker was escorted off the base and left the Air Force after twenty-years of service with nothing to show for it but a criminal record.  And for what?  Because he chose to ignore the core values and military regulations on drug use.  Because he wanted to celebrate a night with his friends and a few grams of cocaine.

My coworker’s sad story quickly made its way through the ranks.  From the lowest airmen to the highest general, everyone was told his tragic tale and the consequences of using drugs in the Air Force.  While heartbreaking, this story reinforces the zero tolerance view on drug use.  It demonstrates that drugs are incompatible with AF core values and good order and discipline.  By telling this story throughout Air Force channels, members realize that if you choose to use drugs, you will eventually get caught and be punished.  As folks ponder the lifetime costs of my coworker’s decision (retirement pay + benefits + future employment prospects), it reinforces the importance of character, integrity, and accountability. 

This incident happened a decade ago.  My coworker has moved out of state and I’ve been retired for over eight years.  My current position with Lockheed Martin has me working side-by-side with Air Force personnel at Langley AFB in Virginia—the same base from which I retired.  Recently, I overheard a Master Sergeant speaking to a young airman about the dangers and costs of doing drugs.  And wouldn’t you know he referred to a certain Master Sergeant who was caught using cocaine shortly before his retirement.  He said the man was dishonorably discharged and lost everything.  Though a few of his details were incorrect, the crux of the message was delivered: When making decisions, count the cost.  It’s a good lesson for all of us.

Legacy counts the cost.

Steve

References:

Department of the Air Force. (2003). Air Force Pamphlet 36-2241, Volume 1. Promotion Fitness

Examination Study Guide.

Department of the Air Force. (1997). Air Force Core Values. Retrieved from

http://www.peterson.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-090212-058.pdf

Department of the Air Force. (2011). Air Force Instruction 44-121. Alcohol and Drug Abuse

Prevention and Treatment (ADAPT) Program. Retrieved from http://www.e-publishing.af.mil/shared/media/epubs/AFI44-121.pdf

Rhem, K. T. (n.d.). American Forces Press Service: A Look at Drug Use and Testing Within the

Military. Retrieved from http://usmilitary.about.com/od/theorderlyroom/l/bldrugtests3.htm

Simmons, A. (2001). The Story Factor. Cambridge, MA. Basic Books.

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Role of Emotion in Decision Making

Two days ago, in the middle of conducting time-sensitive research, I lost Internet connectivity.  Frustrated, angry, and slightly anxious about my deadline, I called the IT folks for assistance.  Our techy quickly responded and led me to a room chockablock of servers, fans, and wires.  Completely out of my element, I quizzically stared at the chaotic maze before me not knowing where one wire ended and another began.  The sound of the clicking servers mixed with the hum of the fans created an eerie feeling as if I were a spectator in the corner of an operating room.  Standing inside our organization’s electronic brain, I pondered the infinite number of conversations, emails, and decisions flowing through the wires.  With synopses firing and neurotransmitters pinging, the servers reminded me of our brains; each offering a congested interstate of possibilities.  Behind the wires lie thousands of desires, decisions, and deals.  All motivated by one powerful force: Emotions.

In his video, Emotions in Decision Making, Professor Baba Shiv said, “Emotion plays a crucial role in decision making by allowing us to resolve decision conflict.”  They allow us to emerge from a decision feeling confident about the decision; honoring the convictions we feel.  The mental civil war between left brain logic and right brain intuition is as fierce a fight as the blue and gray.  Pursuing a business deal because you feel it in your gut even though the numbers don’t add up or walking away from an unhealthy relationship while your heart longs for your ex are decisions that cause significant internal conflict.   Similarly, in his book Start With Why, Simon Sinek (2009) said, “We make decisions all day long, and many of them are emotionally-driven; rarely do we sift through all the available information to ensure we know every fact” (p. 60).  As leaders, we often face forks in the road separating two equally beneficial decision options.  Deciding which road to take can be difficult.  My advice: When theory has been exhausted, follow your heart.  Moving forward with confidence provides the strength necessary to continue on a course of action.

One of the biggest decisions I’ve made in the past few years was whether to reenlist and remain in the Air Force or choose to retire at twenty-years of service.  The military offers a number of great benefits; one of which is job security.  Choosing to retire means looking for another job…unemployment?  Nearing forty-years of age and carrying more debt than I’d prefer, reenlisting seemed the obvious choice.  I was accelerating well through the ranks and the next promotion was easily within reach.  Colleagues, supervisors, and extended family assumed reenlistment was a forgone conclusion.  For me, it was anything but.

As twenty-years approached, I realized if I were to retire, my family and I would be relocated to another part of the country.  With my children established in school and my wife and I secure in our local church, we talked in great detail about whether to stay-in the Air Force or try our hand in the civilian sector.  Having completed my MBA and taking all the family’s concerns into consideration, I decided to retire.  While most of my friends and coworkers were shocked, I was confident.  While I didn’t know what awaited us after retirement, I knew I had made the right decision. 

There were times after retirement—prior to finding another job—that my emotions wavered from exuberance to anxiety.  With the military behind me and an uncertain future ahead, my confidence grew and became as Dr. Shiva referenced, “contagious.”  My family and I can look back now eight years later with no regrets.  We made the right choice.  As a result of retiring, I landed a great job with Lockheed Martin and best of all, my daughter met her husband and they provided us our first grandchild!  All things considered, I followed the path of my heart (and a lot of prayer) and chose what seemed to be the harder road and it paid off.

Six years later, we’d be making another decision that challenged us to weigh various options: leaving the church we’ve attended for ten years.  Many people attend churches, leave, and find another, then leave again.  The church we attended from 2000 to 2010 had become a second home.  It was a place where we found help, our children grew up, and we met our closest friends.  Furthermore, we had become pivotal leaders within the church. 

In July 2009, my wife mentioned that she felt stirred to leave our church.  Embedded deep in the programs, leading two large ministries, and not knowing where else we would go, I immediately discarded her initial thoughts and continued participating as a member of the cog in ministry.  Six months later, she was ready to go.  By that time, I had agreed that recent changes in the church and its new direction did not fare well with me either and realized the end was near.  Telling everyone we were leaving took a minor toll on my emotions.  Sadness, doubt, uncertainty, and the possibility of hurting others with our departure weighed heavily upon me.

In May 2010, we met with the senior leadership at the church and informed them we were leaving.  While not completely confident we were making the right decision, there were a number of indicators that caused me to lean toward leaving.  By discussing our feelings, weighing our options, and being open about our concerns, we made a decision with enough confidence to face the consequences.  Within thirty days, we were attending another church, met more friends, and are realizing after every passing day that we made the right decision to leave two years ago.  Confidence was low when we left but over time, its been proven that we made the best decision.

Decision confidence provides us with a foundation of faith.  In modeling human decision making, economists generally assume people will maximize their expected utility.  We assume that they will make the choice that appears to offer them the highest benefit relative to the cost (Hoch & Kunreuther, 2001, p. 290).  Trying to conduct a cost/benefit analysis when emotions are running high is like trying to comb your hair on a windy day: just when you think everything is in place, it is quickly messed up.  In the future, rather than trying to ignore or minimize emotions in the decision making process, I will express and evaluate them in terms of the decision options.  Making decisions purely from emotion or completely ignoring emotions can be equally dangerous.   The goal is to allow the right balance of emotions and logic to lead you toward the right decision.  In short, follow your heart but use your mind.

Legacy leads with the heart.

Steve

References:

Hoch, S.J., & Kunreuther, H.C. (2001). Wharton on Making Decisions. New York, NY: John

Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Shiv, B. (2011). Brain Research at Stanford: Decision Making. Retrieved from

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRKfl4owWKc

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Marriage and the Cynefin Framework

Last night I spent three hours in a room with seven other married couples watching a Family Life video series titled The Art of Marriage.  My wife and I led a seminar last fall on the material and are now facilitating a couple’s group through a condensed six-week small group study.  The night normally begins with small talk and snacks, and then leads into the 35-minute video, followed by group discussion.  Our group consists of couples who have been married anywhere from three years to 30 years.  Some have kids and some do not.  There are couples working on their second marriage and some wondering why they’re in the one they’re in.

Last night’s topic: conflict.

Marriage is an exciting and inspirational institution.  Like life, it is a collection of decisions—a cumulative reflection of daily choices.  Couples celebrating annual anniversaries reflect the power of unified decisions, shared leadership, and mutual submission.  Alternatively, couples inking divorce papers, leaving in the middle of the night, carrying on clandestine affairs, and living as silent roommates make as many decisions as the successful marriages.  Why the difference? How does one marriage celebrate 50-years and another barely make it five?  It comes down to one word: decisions.  Snowden & Boone (2007) in their seminal work A Leader’s Framework for Decision Making explain the decision-making model known as the Cynefin framework.  Designed to help people see things from different viewpoints, assimilate complex concepts, and address real world problems and opportunities, this literature has the potential to transform the marriages by understanding communication, context, and care.

The very first decision in a marriage is “I do.”  From that point forward, all other decisions get incrementally more difficulty.  When couples make the right decisions in the right context, marriages flourish.  When a husband or a wife refuses to be flexible and in turn, forces their will onto their spouse, the foundations of the marriage—unity, love, and respect—fractures and ultimately gives under the weight of life’s demands and personal expectations.  By understanding, applying, and viewing marital decisions through the lens of the Cynefin framework, couples can avoid the traditional pitfalls of marriage and communicate in a way that strengthens the marital union and respects the individual characteristics of both spouses.

This Cynefin framework sorts issues into four contexts defined by the nature of the relationship between cause and effect.  They are: simple, complicated, complex, and chaotic.  These arenas require leaders to diagnose situations and empower them to act in contextually appropriate ways (Snowden & Boone, 2007, p. 2).  Effective marriages have spouses who learn to shift their decision-making style to match the changing relationship.  Simple, complicated, complex, and chaotic context each call for a different marital response.  By correctly identifying the governing context, staying aware of danger signals, and avoiding inappropriate reactions, spouses can lead their marriage effectively and enjoy the satisfaction of many years of marriage (Snowden & Boone, 2007, p. 7).  I learned that the hard way. Last night’s discussion on conflict reminded me what an arduous, yet rewarding, road it’s been.

When my marriage collapsed after 16 years, both my wife and I were caught in a turbulent whirlwind of emotional pain and anxiety.  There were no right answers, no reasonable explanation, and no hope for reconciliation.  It was chaos.  Tension pushed both of us to physical and emotional exhaustion.  Neither knew which way to go or what decision to make.  Finally, a neighbor suggested we visit a local church marriage counselor with experience in marital chaos.  We decided to visit him and he immediately stepped in and “stopped the bleeding.”  He led our marriage from the chaotic domain into the complicated domain.

Our next decision was to cautiously move forward and seek reconciliation.  Though no easy answers were available to explain our predicament, we worked together to create an environment conducive to honesty and trust.  We both made a decision to surrender our lives to God’s purposes for our marriage.  We read as much as we could, discussed practical principles, and immediately applied our newfound knowledge to our words and actions.  As a result, new doors of dialogue opened, we set marital goals, listened for understanding, and without knowing it, created a foundation upon which a new marriage could be built.  Twelve years later, we use what we’ve learned to help others.  The Cynefin model will be a valuable resource in that endeavor.

Tonight my wife and I are meeting a young couple for pre-marital counseling.  Learning about the Cynefin model and the four domains of decision-making has equipped me as a counselor to help young marriages avoid some of the poor decisions I made early in my relationship. The following are five ways in which the Cynefin model can improve the context for decision-making in marriage:

1.     Creates communication – the Cynefin model creates channels that challenge traditional viewpoints.  It helps break people away form stodgy thinking and silent manipulation.  It encourages each spouse to interact so new patterns of communication can emerge.

2.     Promotes flexibility – Rigidity has ruined many marriages.  People change, culture changes, and marriages must change as well.  Going into marriage with a long-term perspective prepares both spouses for the inevitable changes—physical, emotional, and spiritual—that one another experience. The Cynefin model helps spouse understand the different stages (contexts) of life and react accordingly.

3.     Encourages action – One of my favorite elements of the Cynefin model is that it is a proactive model.  It encourages both spouses to interact, listen, communicate, and take action.  Each of the four domains decision steps includes the word—action! Marriage, as in life, requires both spouses to take actions to improve and strengthen the relationship.

4.     Promotes patience – Marital longevity is a result of practicing patience. Rather than immediately speak or make premature judgments and decisions, the Cynefin model encourages decision-makers to have patience by seeking to understand the results of cause and effect variables.  By modeling a patient understanding of context, when a chaotic situation arises, both spouses are better equipped to act. 

5.     Strengthens commitment – By viewing your marriage through the lens of the Cynefin framework, spouses will recognize the responses that build unity and those that cause division.  Leadership is often a shared responsibility within a marriage; by listening, increasing interaction, and having a clear direction for the marriage, both husband and wife can gain a greater commitment to their relationship.

In their book Fighting for Your Marriage, Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010) said, “The massive change in people’s expectations for marriage have led to a very different kind of marriage for most couples. Today, marriages require more skill in communication, conflict management, and negotiation between partners than ever before, because there is less that is automatically accepted and more that needs to be decided” (p. 4).  With over twenty-eight years of marriage behind me and hopefully many more ahead, I can say without reservation that the Cynefin model appropriately understood and applied can greatly enhance communication, commitment, and intimacy between a husband and a wife.

Legacy never stops learning.

Steve

References

Markman, H.J., Stanley, S.M., & Blumberg, S.L. (2010). Fighting for Your Marriage (3rd ed.). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Snowden, D.J. & Boone, M.E. (2007). A Leader’s Framework for Decision Making. Harvard

Business Review, 85(11), 1-9.

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Ministry Collaboration: A Divine Exercise

Leading a men’s ministry designed to challenge and encourage men in their spiritual life can be an exercise in patience and perseverance.  Unlike women, men are not prone to seek-out relationships where openness and vulnerability is the norm.  In fact, just the opposite is true.  Men have a tendency to hide behind an image projected and protected.  However, underneath the thin veneer, behind the curtain, lies a plethora of problems, issues, insecurities, and fears that influences every decision made.  The purpose of each man is buried deep within and often hidden behind a camouflaged masculinity.  My goal is to facilitate the freedom of their true selves; to open the door of purpose and creativity.  

As co-leader of a large men’s ministry, my colleague and I sought to create an atmosphere where men can authentically connect with other men and hear true stories surrounding common, real life challenges.  We selected a group of ten trusted men and asked them to act as a leadership team to serve the needs of over 1,300 men at our church.  We asked each individual what helped him grow relationally, emotionally, and spiritually?  We titled our ministry R.E.A.L. Men.  The acronym Relevant, Eternity-minded, Accountable, and Loyal provided a starting point and mantra that we would carry throughout our relationship.

Rather than two men initiating a large ministry division designed to serve the needs of such a large number of men, we solicited input from these men by creating a diverse leadership team.  Each man had a distinctive church experience.  They were from diverse ethnic backgrounds, different age groups, and various economic means.  We selected married, engaged, and single men.  By seeking the collective experience of these men, we believed the congregational needs could be identified and subsequently satisfied.

Stewart Levine (2009) in his book, Getting to Resolution said, “Tight collaboration and a shared vision allow the miracles of teamwork and collaboration to occur.  Clear agreements with others build teams that can experience an exponential expansion of power” (p. 188).  These ten men helped my co-leader and I make critical decisions about the future of the ministry and the mission of our church in five crucial ways:

1.     Deepened our understanding

2.     Widened our perspective

3.     Clarified our commitment

4.     Strengthened our resolve

5.     Synergized our mission

Understanding your client and customer needs is critical to an organization’s success; in our case, we knew understanding what men wanted from church would be the starting point for all ministry initiatives.  As we questioned each of our leaders, we “heard and learned” new temptations and trials men faced.  We found respect, confidentiality, encouragement, and authenticity to be key desires in their lives.  The more questions we asked and the more we listened, our understanding of the spiritual goals of men became clear.  We began to understand the depth of their desires.

Along the same lines, we became aware of the differences and expectations that exist across cultures.  African-American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Native-American, and other nationalities widened our perspective of men’s experiences in a church setting.  These discussions introduced us to new styles of worship, teaching, and relational expectations.  We began to understand the challenges men face growing up in poverty versus affluence.  By listening to every man in the room, we were exposed to new and exciting possibilities.

As the men shared, our commitment became clear.  In step two of Levine’s cycle of resolution, he talks about sharing stories.  He states, “Getting everyone’s story out on the table defines the problem space, validates everyone’s position, and reveals everyone’s interest” (p. 122).  Hearing the heart of each man reminded us why we started the endeavor in the first place.  Connecting men to each other for spiritual growth solidified our commitment and removed ambiguity. As our commitment became clear our resolve strengthened.

Leading men’s ministry can be discouraging.  Oftentimes men commit to lead church initiatives, community outreaches, and participate in small group fellowship events.  However, emotions wane and life gets busy.  As men prioritize their responsibilities, the spiritual component of life is often relegated to leftovers.  This common occurrence can cause leaders to give up or pursue an easier ministry function.  Why pursue the elusive hearts of men when there are other areas less challenging and frustrating?  As the men spoke of their dreams and desires, we were empowered to persevere regardless of the difficulties faced along the way.

There is great power in joining your vision with others.  The synergy of teamwork is extraordinary. Levine provides an example using Clydesdale horses.  He said, “One Clydesdale can pull 7,000 pounds; two can pull between 18,000 and 25,000 pounds” (p. 187).  Yoking our hearts with other men from different backgrounds created a leadership core capable of reaching men not only in our circles and our church but also in our community, and eventually our country.  We realized the twelve of us; my co-leader and I with the ten other men could achieve significantly greater ministry feats than any of us could ever do alone.  Collaboration was the key to our ministry success.

By instituting R.E.A.L. Men ministries, our leadership team achieved its initial objective of reaching and connecting men in the church and local community.  We were able to combine resources with other men’s ministries in other churches by sharing lessons learned and individual testimonies.  In retrospect, I realize there is another well of information available on the struggles of men: Women.  The ones who live day-in and day-out with men have a front row seat to the desires and disappointments of the men in the church.  By asking questions and valuing their input, we could have encouraged the mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters to positively influence the men as they connected in our ministry.

Finally, because of the success of R.E.A.L. Men, I’ve instituted these collaborative principles in other areas as well.  At work, when decisions affect coworkers and customers, I consolidate with an integrated process team.  Collecting insights, asking questions, and facilitating discussions have enabled me to make wiser decisions with more information.  At home, I’ve encouraged more open dialogue with everyone in the family about present and future decisions that will affect them directly.  Times have changed and Father Knows Best has been replaced by Father Facilitates Best by seeking input from everyone involved.  Lastly, I’ve used the collaborative concepts learned from the R.E.A.L. Men scenario in how I make personal decisions.  We all have blind spots in our lives.  By seeking advice and guidance from others, I believe I’ll avoid making regrettable decisions and can build upon the knowledge and experience of others.

In his book Start With Why, Simon Sinek said, “Our need to belong is not rational, but it is a constant that exists across all people in all cultures. It is a feeling we get when those around us share our values and beliefs. When we feel like we belong we feel connected and we feel safe. As humans we crave the feeling and we seek it out” (p. 53).  Our men’s ministry created an environment for men to connect and to belong.  As a result, men have rediscovered their passion and their purpose.

Legacy is bigger than one.

Steve

Reference

Levine, S. (2009). Getting to Resolution. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

Sinek, S. (2009). Start With Why. New York, NY: Penguin Group.